


Take Me As You Please

by chrwrites



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: A lot of music, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, F/F, F/M, Falling Out of Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Slow Burn, pop punk songs, punk boy likes cute baker girl, taylor swift is luka's guilty pleasure, thank you waterparks for the lyrics, yes i'm naming every chapter after song titles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26024983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrwrites/pseuds/chrwrites
Summary: When Marinette’s worse dream comes true, she does everything she can to let her feelings for Adrien go, and Luka only wants to be there for her – that’s what friends are for, right?A lot of feelings can happen in one summer.
Relationships: Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 66





	1. You Belong With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiii, this is the first time I'm writing something in ages and also the first time I'm posting something on here. English is not my first language but I find it easier to express myself so I decided to give it a go.  
> I hope you enjoy this!

Luka loved summer. Paris was less chaotic since most people were away for the holidays, the usually crowded streets were empty and this allowed him to enjoy his city more than he already did. Everything was quieter but more colourful, the world seemed to flourish around him and he allowed himself to fully absorb that energy. Summer meant warm sunny days, and the way the breeze brushed his skin and ruffled his hair inspired new songs, now that school was over he finally had time to focus only on his music. Summer was a chance to recharge before going back to the ordinary, he could let go of his worries for a moment and take things slow, free his mind. Summer tasted like freedom and sweet juicy fruits, and Luka loved and cherished every moment of it. 

He sat on a couch on the deck of the Liberty, gently strumming his acoustic guitar while he waited for the rest of his bandmates to arrive at band practice. The Liberty welcomed his and Juleka's friends, they spent most of the time hanging out on the houseboat, some playing music, some writing, some drawing. They even managed to bring a table tennis table on board to everyone's delight. At the end of the day they would watch orange and red lights gleam on the Seine, the sun setting on the horizon painting the buildings in a warmer colour, and each sunset was so unique Luka wanted to capture them through music, but he struggled to find the perfect melody for the incredible arrangement of yellow, pink, red and orange in the sky he was lucky to see almost everyday. Not being able to find the perfect tune for something was more frustrating than he’d admit, he usually got it right at the first try and then he would start composing from there, that was the difficult part. But this time it felt like something was missing. There was only one time when he found difficult to find the perfect tune for something, or rather, _someone_ –

“Luka! The guys haven't arrived yet?" Marinette's voice interrupted his thoughts, he looked up at her direction and smiled. She just got off the gangplank and was walking up to him, she was wearing a white sundress with small cherries printed on it and her dark hair were styled into a side braid. _Oh, she was beautiful._ And while he admired her, she stumbled on a cable on the floor.

“Woah, careful there” he let out a small chuckle.

“I’m okay, I’m okay!”, she said a little too loudly as she straightened up, tightening the grip on the bag she was holding. That was his Marinette. Well, not _his_ in _that sense_ ¸ he wished she was, but her heart belonged to someone else.

She was the Marinette he learned to know so well during the last two years. The clumsy, sweet and joyful Marinette, the girl he fell in love with, and even though he knew that his feelings weren’t reciprocated, he was happy with being by her side as a friend, and he respected her enough not to push his feelings on her. Why should he, anyway? She was free to love whoever she wanted, even if this meant suffering and crying about it for hours in his arms. He hated seeing her like this, and he wished he could do more for her, and of course he could do more for her. He could be what she needed, he could treat her like she deserved, but it wasn’t him she wanted for that. The only thing he could do for her was being there for her, and that’s exactly what he did. They got close and hung out together, they learned to know each other, she allowed herself to be vulnerable around him and he was happy about that. He gave her the chance to be herself and nothing else, and she was happy with that. That’s the only thing that mattered.

“I brought macarons for everyone” she said, sitting next to him and placing the bag she was holding on the wooden deck “Where are they?”

“Oh, Jules and Rose went to get ice cream, and Ivan and Mylène are arriving at 4:30” he shrugged. They sat in silence as he plucked the strings of his guitar, the same melody he was playing before she arrived filling the air. She was looking at her sundress, gently pulling at its creases to straighten them a little.

“That’s a new one” she commented, a tiny smile forming on her face “I like it”

“It’s not perfect yet” he noted, and set the guitar aside, looking at her. She didn’t look her usual joyful self, her face was serious and her ocean eyes were dull. It seemed like something was torturing her mind.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking directly into her eyes.

Marinette looked away and took a deep breath, she didn’t know where to start, she burdened him with so many of her problems and didn’t want to put more weight on his shoulders. Especially since this time she would’ve reminded him of when she asked him to go on a double date with Adrien and Kagami, the first time she chose Adrien over him, and he let her. Luka accepted it and he didn’t even start to behave differently around her. Marinette felt like she didn’t deserve to be treated so gently, but he did it anyway. He never made her feel wrong for her own feelings, even if he was hurt by them. Luka deserved much better than her crying on his shoulder for her unrequited crush while he felt the same way about her, but time has passed since he confessed his feelings to her, and after that he never made another move. Besides, didn’t he start seeing someone recently? What was his name again? Elliott, right? He had moved on. Marinette met him at band practice once, he was nice and pretty and definitely Luka’s type. Too bad they broke up right before school ended. Marinette was the first person to know, “We weren’t invested enough” was all he said, and she didn’t dare to ask him more about it, she just told him that she was sorry and he stayed at hers, they watched a movie and ordered pizza, just like friends do after a break up. Yes, he must be over her, she could tell him without being afraid to hurt him, it’s not like she has never talked to him about Adrien, anyway.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it” he said, catching her attention.

“Well, it’s just that – she closed her eyes, wincing at the thought of saying it out loud – Adrien and Kagami are dating”. It was awfully real now.

Luka stayed silent for a while, trying to find the right words to say, but he only wanted to hold her and comfort her.

“He texted me today” she continued “he told me she had asked him out. They went on a picnic at the park and when he walked her home they kissed. And he’s happy he’s finally found someone that fully understands him. – Luka put his hand on her shoulder – I lied. I told him I was happy for them too. They’re my friends after all, I should be happy for them, but...”

She finally turned to Luka, who was looking at her with so much care and understanding she felt like collapsing.

“I feel so stupid, I’ve spent the last two years trying to create the perfect moment for me to confess my feelings for him and it was useless. I kept making up excuses for my hesitation. I was never brave enough to tell him how I really felt. I kept stuttering and I never took a chance to express myself and I even complained about him considering me just a friend? I didn’t do anything to make him truly understand how I felt! Hell, I’m the one who suggested him to get closer to her in the first place! If I weren’t so insecure, maybe things would have been different. Maybe I des–

“Enough with the negative self-talk” Luka snapped, surprising himself and Marinette for the harsh tone that came out of his mouth. He sighed, looking at her in the eyes and getting closer to her. If it weren’t for the helpless and sad look on Marinette’s face he would've found this whole situation pretty ironic. Actually, he could see the irony in the situation. He was comforting the girl he was in love with because her crush unknowingly shattered her heart. The universe must’ve been laughing at him.

“Sorry” he whispered “I hate it when you put yourself down, you should be kinder to yourself”.

Marinette looked down and stayed silent. If she opened his mouth Luka would’ve scolded her again for being too hard on herself.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Luka asked, his voice softer than ever. Marinette nodded helplessly and looked at him.

“I think that everyone could see that you were head over heels for him, and he was completely oblivious because he was fine with having you as a friend, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for this. I think that even if you have never been direct with your feelings, he could've understood how you felt. You behaved differently around him and he never noticed nor questioned it”. Marinette gazed at him, nodding hesitantly “Y-You’re right, maybe I should just try to let this go. I mean, when I talk to him as a friend I don’t get flustered that easily, it’s easier for me to be with him, I’m not afraid that something might go wrong. I care about him, but I have to face the fact that Kagami is the perfect match for him. They have a similar background and their parents work together. She’s smart and determined and everything I’m not, I understand why he’s fallen for her. I’m just –

“Marinette” Luka interrupted her with a glare before she could say anything more and made her face him. His eyes were fixed into hers and he cupped her face in his hands. Their faces were way too close and Luka could feel his heart beat faster for a moment. _Concentrate, Luka. You're supposed to be there for her._

“You’re the most extraordinary girl, Marinette”. _Clear as a musical note and as sincere as a melody. You’re the music that’s been playing inside my head since the day we first met._ He wished he could say it again, just to remind her how much she meant to him. “Whoever doesn’t see it is an idiot and you don’t deserve to feel bad about yourself because of them. I understand that now you feel hopeless, and you have every right to feel everything you’re feeling, but I don’t want you to feel like you deserve nothing. You deserve to feel loved and wanted, and you too deserve someone who cares about you enough to understand how you’re feeling even when you don’t say it and to be there for you.” _Someone like me_.

“Thank you, Luka. I – Marinette’s breath hitched, she was trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes, he gently brushed his thumb over her cheek and he wished he could take away all of her pain, he wished he could help her heal but the only thing he could do was hug her and try to ease her pain. Marinette held on his t-shirt and let out a small sigh, which turned into a soft sob and in the end she was crying on his shoulder, shaking and sobbing harder.

She let herself fall this time, and he was there to catch her, again.

One of his hands was lightly rubbing her back to comfort her, she let out all the sadness and stress she kept holding back, and when she calmed down, she whispered a faint thank you as he kept holding her close. He didn’t know how long they stayed like in that position; time seemed to have stopped for Luka.

It wasn’t until they heard Juleka and Rose giggle as they walked on the boat hand in hand that he reluctantly let Marinette go. Juleka gave him a knowing look “Aw, isn’t Luka a great cuddler” she commented while Rose by her side squealed in happiness. Marinette straightened up on the couch and looked at him. Her eyes were slightly puffy from all that crying but they had a bit of her usual brightness back and her cheeks had turned into an adorable shade of pink. He gave her a reassuring smile, he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, and glared at his sister while he put his arms behind his head, relaxing and changing the subject.

“Have you heard from Ivan?” he asked “He and Mylène should be here by now and I really wanna start playing”. Juleka looked at her phone, “He’s looking for a place to park his scooter, they’ll be here soon” and just as she said it, the drummer and his girlfriend got on board.

“Ah, finally!” Luka waved at the couple as they were welcomed by the rest of the band, and before going to get his electric guitar he turned to Marinette “We don’t usually take requests, but do you wanna hear us play something in particular?” _Just for you?_

Juleka shook her head but he ignored her and looked at the rest of the band. “We said we would've practiced new songs to cover, why not let Marinette choose for us?” he continued, that was the perfect excuse.

Marinette thought about it for a moment and then a sly grin appeared on her face “I want Taylor Swift” she announced.

“That’s why we don’t take requests” Ivan looked at her amused, and Luka couldn’t help but feign shock. “Marinette, we are _rockers,_ what makes you think we would ever play crappy pop? I feel insulted” he put a hand on his heart in a dramatic pose and she let out a laugh “I’m sorry, I just thought you could handle a bit of change”.

“Of course we can, don’t’ underestimate us”

“I would never”

“So Taylor Swift it is, then” he took is phone from his pocket to look for the tabs he needed. He wasn’t going to play Marinette songs about high heels and sneakers or teardrops on guitars, no sad songs about heartbreak and comparing yourself to others. He tried to ignore the fact that he could relate to _You Belong With Me_ pretty well. Luka considered singing about heartbreaks being national anthems but opted against it, he wanted something cheerful and carefree, not something that could make Marinette think about what pained her in any way. When he found the perfect song, he made the rest of the band look at the tabs for their instruments and they discussed the changes they would make for them to own the song and it not being just a casual cover, who knows, if it went well they could’ve even considered to play it live.

They got to the stage, and Ivan started banging on his drumkit. Juleka and Luka followed soon after, the sound of the bass and the guitar matching perfectly the rhythm given by the drums, every note came together to form the happy and upbeat tone of the original song, but with a heavier, guitar-driven sound.

“ _I stay out too late, got nothin' in my brain that's what people say”_ Rose’s deep voice joined them and Marinette smiled as she mouthed the lyrics back at the band, she looked like she was having fun too. Luka smiled to himself and then followed Rose’s singing “ _It's like I got this music in my mind, sayin' it's gonna be alright”_ and they continued playing the happy beat they created for the song. It was a fun song to play and they had been able to adapt it to their genre pretty easily. Rose let Luka take over the bridge of the song when he met Marinette’s eyes while she was pointing at him, “ _and to the fella over there with the hella good hair won't you come on over, baby?”_ he sang as he felt an unfamiliar warmth creeping up his face “ _We can shake, shake, shake”_ he continued, trying to keep his voice steady as he sung. She was just having fun with them and their eyes met. He couldn’t read into it something more, he really couldn’t. On the other hand, he felt a new melody forming in his heart and he let it flow through is fingers, the new joyful tune filled the song and he continued playing until their performance was over. The melody ended with the two-people audience applauding and cheering on them.

“I like what you did there” Ivan looked at him amazed and Luka ran a hand through his hair, trying to shake off the electric feeling that was running through his veins. Rose was delighted and clapped her hands as well “That was fun!”, Juleka smiled fondly at her enthusiasm. 

“It was amazing!” Marinette roared happily, Luka felt that her heart was lighter than before and he smiled to himself, glad to have accomplished his main goal.

“Thank you” was all he could say in the microphone, even if he felt the same heat from before forming on his face.

He turned to the rest of the band and they started to discuss what to play next. They had a gig in the upcoming week and it was the first time they could play a whole hour-long set, but they had yet to decide the setlist so there was still some work to do if they wanted it to be perfect.

The group went back to practicing and Marinette took out her sketchbook to start drawing on a blank page, she felt better than the emotional mess she was in Luka’s arms but she couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong. She knew a heartache couldn’t be cured so easily, but a happy song and warm hugs had really helped.

Marinette had just finished sketching the croquis of her design when her phone vibrated, she decided not to check any message, she really didn’t want to think again about something that could crush her, it was better for her to keep it in the back of her mind. She continued drawing while she let the music her friends played comfort her _“Candy-coat your problems if they’re bitter and they’re awful I won’t let this be a sad song or make this hard to swallow_ ” they sang. Mylène complemented the dress she was creating, and she felt a tiny bit of satisfaction spark in her. It wasn’t until she heard her phone vibrate as someone called that Marinette reluctantly put her sketchbook aside and took it out. Alya’s name lit up the screen but she didn’t really feel like answering. Besides, Kitty Section were practising, and she wouldn’t have heard her through the phone. She declined the call and then decided to check the notifications she got; they were all text messages from Alya.

_Marinette, how are you?_

_I just spoke to Nino and I really need to talk to you_

_It’s important_

_Marinette?_

_Please answer me_

Marinette sighed, her heart started to feel heavy again and even though she was glad to see that her friend cared about her, she wasn’t ready to have that conversation again.

**_I can’t talk right now, but I know what you want to talk about_ **

**_Adrien told me_ **

**_I’m fine, thanks for checking in_ **

_I’m so sorry Mari, can I come over later?_

_I’m here for you_

**_Thank you Alya, it really means a lot to me_ **

**_I’d rather to see you tomorrow_ **

**_Is that okay for you?_ **

The truth was that all she wanted to do as soon as she got home was cry her heart out until she fell asleep hugging the pillow.

_Yeah sure, take your time_

_You know where to find me!_

Marinette closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to recollect herself. She put away her phone and went back to working on her sketch. She added a few details to the design before the band decided it was time to take a break. Mylène got up and sat on Ivan’s lap, giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek. Marinette felt something sting in her heart and tried to ignore it. She wished she had a love so sweet too, but all her hopes and dreams about love were shattered that same day.

Juleka and Rose sat on two deckchairs next to each other while Luka went below deck to get something to drink for everyone. He came upstairs with a jug of fresh lemonade and glasses, set them on the small coffee table in front of where Marinette was, and went to sit next to her. She reached for the bag and placed the macaron box she brought at the centre of the table. They all took a sweet, and Marinette sipped her drink quietly as he listened to her friends talking about the upcoming gig.

“Did you make any new design?” Luka turned to her and she put her glass on the coffee table.

“Yeah, but I’m not fully satisfied with the idea honestly” she sighed

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think, can I see it?” Marinette nodded and flickered through the pages of her sketchbook, showing Luka the design she was working on. He got closer to her to have a better look at it.

“It’s really good, Mari!” Luka admired the unfinished sketch and then looked up at her “It’s gonna be even better when you finish it!”.

Marinette blushed at his comment, Luka had always been supportive of her and always motivated her to do better, he also helped her to find the motivation she needed when she was stuck in a project and couldn’t find any inspiration. “Thank you, Luka. If it wasn’t for you I would’ve probably thrown away half of the designs in this sketchbook”.

He closed the sketchbook handing it to her with a soft expression “You should give yourself a little more credit, Mari”. She took the book and put it on her lap, studying the decorations she drew on the cover. A small ladybug and an intricate flower design. Maybe he was right, he was looking at her with so much admiration she felt her cheeks heat up. Luka tried to contain a smile as he noticed her blush, and put a hand on her shoulder. He really hated the fact that she thought so little of herself, if she could see herself through his eyes, she would’ve completely changed her mind. This wasn’t because Luka’s vision of her was rose-coloured, she was actually really talented, and kind, and smart, and caring… He fell for her for so many reasons. He wrote songs about her for so many reasons.

“What do you think, Lukey?” Juleka’s voice made him get out of his thoughts. Everyone was staring at him.

“Uh- sorry, I got distracted. What were you saying?” his sister rolled her eyes, her expression screaming that he was embarrassing, and Rose, who was a hopeless romantic and never lost a chance to remind Luka how he and Marinette would be the perfect couple, let out a small laugh.

“I was saying that we should just perform our original songs at the concert” she said, exasperated.

He thought about if for a moment, moving the hand that was on Marinette’s shoulder under his chin.

“You’re forgetting that not everyone will know us or our songs, a cover could lift up the mood. We just have to find the right song” ha answered. “I like _Pâquerette_. We could do _Shake It Off_ , too. It’s funnier to play, but we’d have to practice it a little more”.

Ivan agreed but suggested to cover _Ain’t It Fun_. “Oh, I love that one! It’s closer to our genre, too!” Rose added.

“Yeah, we can do that” Juleka said.

“So we’re playing _Ain’t It Fun,_ perfect” Luka concluded.

When the rest of the band got up to go back to their instruments, Luka turned to Marinette “Oh, I almost forgot. I need to ask you something”.

“Yeah?” the girl said a little too loudly, a whole range of possible negative outcomes forming in her mind. Did she do anything wrong? _Please, don’t make today worse than it already is_.

“How do you feel about taking commissions from someone who’s not us?”

Marinette let out a sigh of relief, she wasn’t expecting a simple question like this. “I think I can handle that” she smiled at him.

“Great! Because I might’ve praised your skills to my friend” Luka could see her slightly blush again, he was growing really fond of it “and she asked me if you would be willing to help her band with designing. They need a complete rebrand actually since – well, she’ll explain that to you, we’re playing with her band next week, and if you come you can talk to her in person, otherwise I can give you her Instagram username so you can contact her when you feel like it”.

Marinette was surprised at his thoughtfulness, considering her needs and boundaries before she even stated them. He has always been like this, gentle and respectful, but people like him were so rare to find that she found it difficult to believe he was real.

“Yeah, I’ll do it!” she beamed, excited to start a new project and concentrate on something else, maybe that would’ve helped with the whole not-thinking-about-it thing. The only thought she couldn’t control in that moment creeped from the back of her mind. _What if they don’t like my work? What if I don’t understand them?_

Luka seemed to have read her mind when he put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly “Marinette, I already showed her your site and she loved your work. And when I told her you designed Jagged Stone's album cover she lost it, it’s her favourite album, you know?” he giggled at the memory of his best friend freaking out about the fact that _his crush worked for THE JAGGED STONE, and he didn’t consider telling her?!?!_

“You’re gonna do an amazing job as always, and if you have any trouble working with her you can talk to me”.

Marinette didn’t seem so sure about it, but nodded at him slowly, grateful for his support. He squeezed her shoulder delicately and gave her a wink before going back to the stage.

Marinette relaxed on the couch and closed her eyes, the breeze tickled her skin as the music her friends were playing soothed her mind. She wanted to hold on that feeling for as long as she could, she could deal with the bad stuff later. Besides, she dealt with worse, didn’t she? What was heartbreak compared to saving Paris from evil forces, keeping her superhero identity a secret or being the Guardian of the Miraculous? It was nothing really, _nothing_.

If she kept repeating it she would’ve believed it eventually.

The air got colder as the sun set, and Luka was playing the same melody he was playing when Marinette arrived. The golden light shined on him as he looked so lost in the sweet tune. He had his eyes closed, like the rest of the world around him didn’t exist. It was just him, his guitar, and whatever inspired him. He continued strumming as the rest of Kitty Section put away their instruments and Marinette gathered her art supplies and placed them in her bag. It was only when it was time for everyone to leave that Luka put away his guitar and went to say goodbye to Ivan and Mylène “See you tomorrow!” he waved.

Rose was staying for dinner, and Luka asked Marinette if she wanted to stay too, to which she kindly refused “My parents must be waiting for me already”.

“Want me to walk you home, then?” Luka suggested.

“No, thanks” she shook her head, her heart got heavier as the sun vanished in the horizon.

“Are you sure?” he could see a hint of dismal behind her eyes and he didn’t want to let her go like this. He got closer to her and whispered something only she could hear “You don’t have to do this alone, you know”, the pain in her eyes was starting to hurt him too, Luka needed to take it away from her. He hugged her tight, she stiffened at the sudden gesture, but she relaxed into his arms hugging him back. He distanced himself from her and looked at her in the eyes, he couldn’t bear not seeing the usual brightness that inspired so many songs, he needed to do something to help her heal.

 _And_ _he kissed her. He kissed her with all the love and sweetness he had reserved just for her. It was soft, healing and regenerating, the kind of kiss that would’ve soothed even the worst wounds. When she pulled away and gave him a small smile he was tempted to give in to her lips again, just to make sure she was alright…_

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry” and with that, he realized that he was _imagining_ this again, _what an idiot. Be glad you respect her too much not to do this. Wouldn’t take advantage of her being vulnerable, would you? Idiot._ Suddenly, he was aware of his surroundings, looked at the girl who was still wrapped in his arms and let her go reluctantly.

Luka cleared his throat before speaking “Text me when you get home, okay?”. Marinette nodded, and with that she was gone, he watched her walk away.

“You’re embarrassing” was all Luka heard from Juleka.

“No, he’s just in love…” Rose chirped and let out a small laugh, tugging her girlfriend’s hand and leading her below deck.

Luka didn’t eat much; he was too busy thinking about Marinette and how he really needed to do something to comfort her, but what? He would’ve never crossed her boundaries, not without her permission. He was fine with having her close _as a friend,_ after all. It was safer, this way he couldn’t risk losing her. But at the same time he knew he could do better for her as something else… He left his sister and her girlfriend at the dining table and headed to his room, took his notepad and started scribbling new rhymes that matched the melody forming inside his head.

“Why do you have to make everything sound so dark?” Rose commented when he asked her opinion on the new lyrics he’d written. She was pointing at a verse that recited _I feel dead and a half but you’re making me laugh._

“I like it” was Juleka’s only defence for him “you aren’t planning on serenading Marinette, are you?”

“What?! No, it’s just… I had to let this off my chest, that’s all” did Luka really want to tell her sister that he was going to send the song to her as soon as it was done? No, he would’ve kept the lyrics to himself anyway so it wasn’t that big of a deal. He cared more about the melody, that was meant to comfort her.

Rose helped him fix some parts of the lyrics and sent him back to his room so he could work on the melody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think about it, any comment or suggestion is very welcome!  
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://chrwrites.tumblr.com/) :)  
> Hope you're having a lovely day!<3


	2. Sleep Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for leaving kudos and nice comments on the first chapter, it really means a lot to me!  
> Here's chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it! :)

When Marinette got home, she was welcomed by the smell of basil and her mum’s warm smile “How was your day, dear?”

_It was heavy, I feel like shit and I just want to go to sleep._

“It was alright” was all she said while she took a plate of fresh trofie with pesto and sat at the dining table.

Her parents talked about their day as Marinette forced herself to eat at least half the portion she was given, she wasn’t going to starve herself because her two-year crush found someone better than her, was she? She took another forkful of green covered pasta as she realized that that colour was the same as the eyes that looked at her just as a friend. _Oh, didn’t her mind come up with weird connections._

She twirled the fork in her hand before she heard her dad’s voice call her name, and looked up from her plate to find a worried look on her parents’ face. She knew what was coming, she had been awfully silent for the whole meal and of course they had noticed despite her trying to hide it.

“Are you alright?” her dad asked.

_Of course I am! It’s not like Adrien has started dating my friend and I have to force myself to be happy for them and it sucks that I missed every opportunity I had to confess to him in the first place and I hate myself for this._

“Yeah! I’m just tired, today’s been a long day,” _think Marinette, you’re the master of making up excuses_ “I spent the afternoon working on some new designs and Luka asked me if I could design something for his friend's band. I thought about what I could do so much that I got tired, that's all!” this time making up something wasn’t even difficult since it was kind of the truth. Marinette flashed a smile at them, thinking about it, she hadn’t texted Luka yet. She took her phone from her pocket and typed a quick message under the table.

**_Hey, I'm home!_ **

“Oh, that’s great! What are you going to do?” Tom asked, eager to know what his daughter had in mind this time.

“I don’t know yet, I still have to talk about the whole concept with the band, in fact I should talk to Luka about it. I’m going to my room!” she got up from her chair, but as she was about to take her half full plate and put it away, her mum gently put a hand on hers to stop her “You don’t have to clean up tonight, I’ll take care of it. Go get some rest, dear” she said showing a reassuring smile.

“Thank you, mama” Marinette gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and walked out of the room.

She let out a sigh of relief as soon as she collapsed on the chaise longue in the corner of her room.

“Mariette, how are you feeling?” Tikki’s small voice talked to her ear hesitantly.

“Awful” was all she managed to say before tears started streaming from her eyes and the small Kwami floated around her face trying to stop her tears from falling, whispering words of comfort.

“It’s gonna be alright Marinette, you’re not alone” the red creature said sweetly when Marinette’s sobs got lighter.

“I-I know, if… if I can save Paris… someone not... liking me back is… nothing… right?” she blurted out. At least she could count on the little creature floating across her face for any of her problems, she could fully be herself with Tikki without being afraid to give in too much information since they knew everything. The Kwami also helped her avoid to be swallowed by dark thoughts and the risk that getting akumatized implied, Marinette couldn’t be other than grateful for them.

“You need time for yourself dear, just this. And if you really want to compare this experience to what you’ve gone through as Ladybug you can, but don’t use it to belittle what you’re feeling right now, or to not feel it at all. Unfortunately, you have to go through this before you can get over it” Tikki said in a soft voice and put a small hand on her face, the delicate touch refreshing Marinette’s irritated skin. How long had she been crying? “I know it’s gonna be hard, but it will get better. I promise” the small creature concluded and floated around the room to get a tissue for her holder. Marinette thanked them and wiped the tears from her face, giving her Kwami a small smile as they gave her a tiny kiss on her cheek. She laid on her back in the chaise longue, taking deep and steady breaths to make sure she had completely calmed down before standing up.

Her heart still hurt when she got up, but there was a tiny hint of hope in her to make that weight somewhat easier to carry. She decided to take a shower before changing into her pyjamas and when she got to bed, she checked her phone. There were messages from the groupchat she had with her friends, a text from Alya, and Luka’s answer to her text.

She skimmed through the messages in the groupchat and found a few memes that made her chuckle. Tikki, who was lying on her shoulder, gave her a curious look.

In her message, Alya asked if it was alright if she could come over in the afternoon, Marinette typed in an affirmative answer and then checked Luka’s chat.

_so you did remember to text me uh?_

_i was starting to get worried ahah_

**_Yeah, sorry about that_ **

**_I got distracted_ **

_it’s fine mari, you don’t owe me any explanation_

_i’m glad you got home safe_

_are you feeling any better?_

Marinette stared at her screen for a moment, she didn’t know why she was surprised at the fact that Luka cared about her when he always made it clear, he was the most genuine guy she’s ever known apart from A– never mind, if she thought about him she would've started crying again.

**_Yeah, thank you for asking_ **

**_I don't feel like thinking about it tho_ **

She was typing something to divert the attention from her, something like _how are YOU feeling?_ She really wanted to focus on him, they were always talking about her and how she felt. Luka so selflessly put himself aside for her and never talked about things that bothered him, but Marinette felt like he needed to let out his thoughts too, and she knew he did it through music but she wanted to be there for him just like he was there for her. Her phone vibrated in her hands as a new message appeared in the chat.

_i might have something that won’t make you think about it ;)_

There was an mp3 file titled “sleep alone” attached to the message, was that a new song? What would it be about? The title didn’t really convince her, it made her imagine it was a song about being lonely and it really wasn’t what she needed, but she trusted Luka enough to know he would never do anything that could’ve made her feel worse. It must have been the quiet tune she heard him play when she got on the Liberty that same afternoon. Eager to listen to his new creation, she grabbed her earphones from her nightstand, put an earbud on and passed the other one to her Kwami in order to let them listen too.

When she pressed play, the sound of Lukas’s acoustic guitar filled her head. It wasn’t the mellow song he was playing on the deck that afternoon. This one was energetic yet sweet, and she could hear Luka's voice humming along the upbeat melody. The happy, comforting sound made Marinette feel lighter. The melody ran quicker before ending with a slower, gentler tune as she was smiling in awe at her phone screen. Her heart felt full and less lonely, she wondered how Luka could be so good at comforting people just with his guitar, or through his light touches.

“Wow, that was very good!” the carefree feeling of the song caught Tikki as well who was now flying around Marinette’s face happily singing the melody, Marinette watched the red spot dance around her delighted and couldn’t help but agree.

**_LUKA I LOVE THIS IT’S BEAUTIFUL_ **

**_YOU’RE SO TALENTED_ **

**_THANK YOU THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED_ **

**_I FEEL WAY BETTER NOW_ **

**_But why did you name it sleep alone?_ **

**_I was expecting something completely different given the title tbh_ **

Of course she had to ask, it wouldn’t be like her not wanting to know all the details behind the songs he wrote. Sometimes he would tell her, sometimes he would be cryptic and she wouldn’t be able to grasp the concept behind his art. Marinette knew Luka was very reserved about the meaning behind the songs, probably the only people to know the real meaning behind them were Juleka and Rose because they were directly involved in the whole song writing process. Marinette remembered Luka saying something about him having song writing sessions with someone else, but she never questioned it further since she didn’t want to sound invasive.

_you’ll know it if i get to convince the band to play it next week_

_i’m happy it helped you feel better_

_now get some sleep mari, it’s late and you need to rest_

_goodnight xx._

**_Ugh, fine_ **

**_I’ll help you convince them if I have to_ **

**_Goodnight Luka, thank you for being there for me_ **

Marinette put her phone on the nightstand, wished Tikki goodnight and closed her eyes. She drifted to sleep as Luka’s song was playing in her head like a lullaby, making her feel safe and peaceful. She couldn’t imagine that her friend, in his bedroom, was still staring at his phone screen.

_That’s exactly what I needed._

Knowing that he made Marinette happy, Luka felt fulfilled, and he tried to ignore the pit forming in his stomach. _That’s exactly what I needed._ He knew she didn’t mean this the way he wished she meant it, but he couldn’t help but think that he could give her what she needed. _That’s exactly what I needed._ The words didn’t leave his mind. _That’s exactly what I needed._ He wanted to be everything she needed. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, hold her hand, take her out… Hell, he’d even serenade her. _That’s exactly what I needed._

But to her, Luka was just a friend, a very close friend indeed, but still a friend. _Thank you for being there for me._ He could only dream about keeping her closer the way more than friends did and holding her in his sleep. Maybe he had to stop thinking about her in that way and not write songs about her anymore, but every time he looked at Marinette, the melody of her heart played in his head louder and louder. He wished he could listen to it forever. That’s exactly what he needed.


	3. It's Nice To Have A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter! It took me longer than expected but I hope the reading is worth the wait.  
> I wanted to focus on Marinette's relationships outside of her love interests so this is what you'll get (that and a bit of self loathing?)  
> Enjoy! :)

Marinette opened the door to her house to find Alya followed by Alix, Rose, Juleka and Mylène, “What are you all doing here?” she asked in surprise.

“Being there for you, obviously” Alya said as the girls came inside and hugged Marinette. She couldn’t help but smile while she was surrounded by warm arms that were preventing her from falling apart. When her friends pulled back, they showed her what they had brought for her: a bag full of different snacks, ice cream, and a DVD set of romantic comedies they could cry to. Marinette never felt so lucky.

As they set the food on the coffee table in the living room, Mylène told Marinette she was sorry for not noticing she was sad the day before. She thought she was concentrating on her designs, “I’m so used to Ivan not wanting to be distracted when he’s working on new music that I do the same with all my friends”, she said giving Marinette an apologetic look. Marinette smiled reassuringly at her, “You don’t have to be sorry! I wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it anyway. So... What are we watching?” she asked in order to change the subject. She didn’t really want to face what bothered her in that moment, Adrien dating her friend was the cherry on top of way too many problems for a sixteen-year-old like Marinette. She should have gotten used to it by now, but sometimes here responsibilities were still too much, and she needed a moment where she could just be herself and not feel any weight on her shoulders.

“I brought _Love Actually, He’s just not that into you, 500 Days of Summer, The Notebook, Under the Tuscan Sun_ and _Eat Pray Love_ for you to choose” Rose said, adding that she spent the whole morning looking for the right movies for her. Marinette thanked her and picked a DVD, her choice was pretty obvious.

“We’re watching _He’s just not that into you_ ” she said, putting the disc in the player.

“What? Are you sure? Alya protested.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I would’ve chosen it too, you know” Alix winked at Marinette, who felt reassured. She didn’t really know what the movie was about, but she hoped it could help her given the situation.

“Oh, too bad you didn’t choose Love Actually, I really like that one” Rose pouted.

“Did you know that there was a lesbian couple in that movie? They cut them off though” Juleka said.

“What, really?” Rose asked in an offended tone, to which the purple haired girl nodded, “It was the same dramatic trope as always anyway, one of them died. I’m glad they cut it off honestly.”

At that, Rose wrinkled her nose in disapproval, “Is a happy ending too much to ask? I swear, if I hear about another lesbian killed off in a movie, I’ll take matters into my own hands and make my own death-free lesbian movie. I don’t care.”

Juleka chuckled at her comment and looked at her fondly, she had the same calm and sweet expression of her older brother in that moment. Marinette thought about the way the two made each other happy and brought the best out of each other. Maybe it was because she watched their relationship blossom under her eyes, but they were the kind of couple people looked at and said “I want what they have”, everyone could see that they cared about each other a lot and they weren’t the kind of couple that made people around them uncomfortable with their displays of affection. Marinette wished she had that something like that, too.

She pressed play and let the movie begin.

As she watched the story unravel, Marinette couldn’t help but think about how she had been just as hopeful as the main character. The way she had always wished that someday Adrien would have seen her as something more than a friend reminded her of how the protagonist overanalysed every little thing her date did just to convince herself that he was interested in her. But if a guy wanted to be with a girl, he would have done anything to be with her. It hit her, how harsh and cold reality was.

That was probably the hardest pill to swallow, Adrien wouldn’t have done that kind of anything to be with her. She shouldn’t have had this stupid crush on him in the first place, he would have never fallen for her, they were just friends and she should have cherished his friendship more instead of wanting and trying to turn it into something more. Life was not a romantic comedy, and she wasn’t an exception. She was the rule.

She didn’t realize she had started crying until all her friends cuddled on her on the couch, and Marinette noticed that Rose’s eyes were wet too.

The movie didn’t end with the character picking up the pieces and moving on by herself, she got together with the same guy who opened her eyes on how men behaved after she called him out on his selfishness. She became his exception. That was a movie after all, she couldn’t expect anything different.

All Marinette had left was the ending speech.

_Maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe… it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on._

She had to move on from her crush, no matter how hard, painful and long it would have been, and she didn’t want to lose his friendship over something so stupid. She wasn’t fourteen anymore, she could handle this in a mature way.

With the encouragement of her friends, Marinette deleted all the pictures of Adrien she kept on her phone, she couldn’t believe that such a small step made her feel like she had fought one of the worse villains she’s ever fought. She refused to take his pictures off the bulletin board in her room, claiming she used them for inspiration, she still needed some time after all.

They spent the rest of the afternoon on the terrace, talking about everything and nothing and doing each other's nails until Marinette’s mum brought them delicious homemade pizzas for dinner. Marinette wasn’t feeling like the whole world was crashing on her, that weight became lighter the more she spent time with her friends. She didn’t care about the fact that she probably would’ve let herself drift into sadness again before going to bed, because in that moment she was okay and she wanted to enjoy that. She finally had the chance to behave like an ordinary teenager, she could think about everything else later.

The air got colder as stars appeared in the dark sky, and although their light was dimmed by the city lights, they still shone bright. Marinette felt at peace watching them, but when Alya got up and said that her dad was coming to pick her, Alix and Mylène up, she felt the serene atmosphere slip through her fingers. She knew it was late and that her friends had to go home, but she wished for the day not to end.

Marinette walked the three girls to the door and gave each of them a tight hug that said what she couldn’t say. _Thank you for being there for me, I’m lucky to have you._

After that, she had to say goodbye to Rose and Juleka too. They thanked her while wrapping her in a bone crushing hug. Marinette let out a sigh as she closed the door and went upstairs, her mind was letting out the thoughts she had kept suppressed until then. How hurt she was, how hard and almost impossible it would be to forget how she felt around Adrien, how kind he was to her, how much he relied on her and their friendship, how she had tried in the clumsiest and most absurd ways to confess her feelings for him. Like the time she wrote him a letter but forgot to sign it, or when she plotted along with her friends a plan to ask him out while he was having a photoshoot at the Trocadero. She never noticed how irrationally her crush made her act until now.

She picked her crush over a friend once. She chose Adrien over Luka when Jagged Stone asked her if she knew any guitarist. She dumbly put Adrien first because he was _Adrien_ , and he was _perfect_ , but Luka was perfect for what Jagged had asked. He was talented and sensitive enough to play people’s heartbeat and melodies that could calm turbulent feelings with his guitar, not to mention the fact that Jagged was his favourite singer and Marinette would have made him really happy by suggesting him . She cringed thinking about her behaviour. Yes, she was stupid, and it happened ages ago but how could she pick a crush over someone who had always been – and still was – there for her? He didn’t deserve that treatment, and that behaviour was so unlike her she felt disappointed in herself.

The worse thing her crush made her do, was letting herself be convinced by Chloe into ruining Kagami’s time with Adrien out of jealousy and envy, and telling each other it was for Adrien's sake. Marinette had been so blinded by her feelings that she let them turn her into someone she didn’t want to be. Her and Kagami weren’t friends at the time, but she felt bad for how she behaved, especially since she so proudly claimed that girls should never compete against one another for the attention of boys.

Wasn’t a crush supposed to make her want to be the best version of herself? Why did she do those things? Why did she learn his schedule by heart? Was a crush supposed to make her feel this way?

“Well Marinette, sometimes feelings can be so overwhelming that you forget who you really are, and you make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for them. Your heart is pure, and you never meant to harm anyone”, Tikki told her, “It’s a good thing that you realized that you’ve made mistakes, but don’t forget that you did everything you could to make up for them, and you have grown from them.” The small creature put both her hands on her cheek in an affectionate way and squeezed it, as if they were giving her a hug. Marinette gave the Kwami a smile, feeling slightly reassured. She felt like she had to do one last thing before letting her past mistakes go, and that was talking to Kagami.

She remembered how, that time she had to fight against Love Eater and chose her for back up, Kagami told her – well, she told Ladybug – that hurting Marinette was the only thing that was preventing her from pursuing Adrien, and that she was her only friend.

And in the end, it was Marinette who let her pursue Adrien, she left them alone that time because she knew that they would have been happy together. She shouldn’t have been surprised of the turnout since it wasn’t completely unexpected, although it hurt. How long had it been since then? A year, more or less.

Kagami and Marinette had become closer, and they hung out almost on a weekly basis depending on their schedules. She was a good friend, she was realistic, determined and very good at helping Marinette keep her feet on the ground, and Marinette, on the other hand, listened to her when she complained about how her mum could be too strict or how the people attending her school were spoiled and annoying, and encouraged her to open up and not to restrain herself in order to please her mother. Marinette didn’t want to lose her.

For this reason, she reached for her phone and looked for Kagami's contact. She typed in a message but then deleted it and stared at the empty box on her phone screen. She tried to type something again, and yet again, she deleted it.

_Type. Delete. Type. Delete. Type. Delete._

Words seemed to have lost their meaning, Marinette didn’t know how to express herself anymore. Tikki tried to encourage her before she finally took a deep breath and started typing something quickly.

**_Hey, Adrien told me that you two got together. I’m really happy for you :)_ **

**_I hope we can meetup soon so you can tell me everything in person!_ **

_Send_.

“You did the right thing” the red spirit reassured her. 

Marinette didn’t read the message again, typing it down had already consumed her, but deep down in her heart, Marinette knew that Adrien's heart was in the right hands. Even if they weren’t hers.

As long as he was happy, she would have been happy too.

At least, that was what she told herself before going to sleep, and before she kept tossing and turning in her bed while she forced herself to ignore the tormenting images of Adrien and Kagami together that were forming in her mind. She tried to find something to soothe her thoughts, but she couldn’t think of anything that could help, except for... _Why didn’t I think about this before_ , she shook her head as she reached for her earphones.

That night, Marinette fell asleep to the comforting happy melody Luka sent her.

* * *

Marinette woke up the next morning with her earbuds tangled around her neck and the music still playing, if this had to be the cost of getting some hours of sleep then so be it. She stretched before reaching for her phone and freeing herself from the thin cords that had left sleep marks on her face.

There was a text message from Kagami that said that she had cleared her schedule to see her that afternoon. Oh, Marinette wasn’t ready. Marinette wasn’t ready to confront Kagami _at all_. That’s why, instead of going downstairs to get breakfast, she ended up spending the morning pacing around her room and panicking while Tikki tried to calm her down, and when her mum came to her room to announce that lunch was ready she broke down in her arms, pouring all her feelings out.

Sabine kept her daughter close and listened carefully to everything she had to say, and when she started questioning how she acted around Adrien she reassured her that it was normal to behave differently around someone you liked so much, even to the point you ended up doing things you could regret.

“Mom, how do you know if the feelings you have for someone are genuine?” Marinette asked her while her mom so delicately wiped the tears from her face, she still thought that all the feelings she had for Adrien were wrong for what they made her do.

“You put their happiness first”, she answered with a soft voice.

The girl nodded, feeling smaller in her mother’s arms, and slightly comforted by her words.

Did Marinette want her friends to be happy? Yes.

Were her friends happy together? Yes, that’s why she had to put her feelings aside. Thinking about it, she had already done it when she left them alone at André’s ice cream cart that one time. Before she made Hawk Moth find Master Fu, and before she herself became the Guardian of the Miraculous.

Marinette wondered if things could have gone differently if she hadn’t let her feelings for Adrien distract her. Moving on from her crush was definitely for the better.

When she met Kagami that afternoon, the two talked everything out and they realized they had always avoided talking about their crushes because they knew they liked the same person and didn’t want to make things awkward. Marinette admitted of liking Adrien, but she had let him go when instead of confessing her feelings to him, she encouraged him to go after Kagami. It would have been perfect if her heart wasn’t still clinging on the feelings she had for him, but she decided that her priority was seeing her friends happy., and Kagami was definitely happy. She was different from her usual composed self, a new light glowing in her eyes. Marinette had never seen her so relaxed. It surprised her, but she was glad to see this new side of her friend, even if the reason behind that made her heart twinge.

Marinette tried to ignore the ache she felt as Kagami talked about Adrien, forcing herself to smile, she wondered when it would have started to hurt less and tried to hold on to the fact that she had gone through worse. She didn’t really want to spoil her friend’s happiness, even if it hurt her, she could handle that.

Why would she ruin something she had for something she could never have? She had to accept that she would have never had something more than a friendship with Adrien, and if she cared about him and Kagami as much as she claimed, she had to support her friends and give up on her stupid teenage crush, even if it hurt more than she could admit.

Marinette was relieved when they finally changed subject and talked about how neither of them hadn’t started their summer homework yet, it was the second week of holiday after all.

They spent the rest of the afternoon at Albert-Kahn Garden, walking around the park and admiring colourful flowers and plants, Marinette felt calmer than as she felt the warmth of the sun on her skin.

“Did you know that its fruit and seed sprout at the same time?” Kagami said, pointing at the fully blooming lotus flowers floating in the pond below them, “It means fullness and rebirth, since they grow through mud and dirt”.

“I didn’t know you were interested in plant symbolism!” Marinette looked at her in disbelief, she had always seen her as someone methodical and concrete, she didn’t expect her to be interested in such things.

Kagami just gave her a tiny smile and continued to list the characteristics of the lotus, and she did the same with other species as they went on walking around the garden, “Those represent friendship and devotion” she said, pointing at a flower bed full of Peruvian lilies of different shades of pink, yellow, orange and red. Marinette looked around her amazed and took out the small sketchbook she always had with her. She was so struck by the beauty of the nature that surrounded them in the middle of the city that she felt the need to treasure it on the pages of her sketchbook. She quickly sketched a bunch of Peruvian lilies, then went on to draw some other flowers as they explored the marvellous garden and Kagami explained the meaning of the flowers that caught Marinette’s attention.

At the end of the day, the once blank pages were filled with pencil drawings of different kinds of flowers, and Marinette had written their meaning beside them with her neat calligraphy. Before saying goodbye to Kagami, Marinette ripped off one page from her book and gave it to her. The astonished look on her face as she looked at the sheet with the Peruvian lilies in her hands made Marinette chuckle.

“I – thank you, Mari” Kagami smiled, and then gave her a small hug. She wasn’t very good at displaying affection so Marinette took it as a big accomplishment and she hugged her back.

Tikki was right, she did the right choice when she decided to talk to Kagami and find a new starting point for their friendship. She was nowhere near getting over her crush, but she felt she had at least made some progress. She would’ve gotten used to listen to her talking about Adrien the way she wished to.

Her heart was incredibly lighter as she walked to the underground station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, Marinette wants to get over her crush and is slowly getting there. It will take time because getting over a crush has up and down moments and this wouldn't be a slow burn otherwise lol BUT we're getting there.  
> Did you miss Luka? Don't worry, you'll see plenty of him in the next chapters (I'm already 7k words into the next one btw 👀)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think about it, any comment or suggestion is very welcome!  
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://chrwrites.tumblr.com/) :)  
> Hope you're having a lovely day!<3


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